After the Finale
by Flowerbudd
Summary: Meredith and Derek love of course
1. Chapter 1

Meredith closed her eyes and released her breath. This couldn't be happening. Two hours ago she had been on a date, moving on. Now she was, well she was so back where she had started it was jolting. She could still feel Derek all over her. His smell lingered around her. How could she be doing this right now while Izzy was losing her heart. She opened her eyes, half hoping she was dreaming. Finn stood there looking at her, his face an open book of what he knew. She looked over to Derek, he was smiling gently at her, McDreamy eyes and all. She looked back to Finn.

"Finn..." she trailed off. She could tell that he knew.

"Meredith, it's ok. " he smiled sadly.

"Finn, no listen ", she turned to him, seeing Derek shift from the corner of her eye. "I am so sorry. I..."

He took a step towards her, and came to a stop. he picked up her hand and kissed it.

"Meredith, I just hope it all works out for you." He looked towards Derek and then back at her, smiled and turned and walked away.

Derek released a sigh, he had been holding his breath. He started towards Meredith, ready to take her into his arms.

"Izzy needs me, "she refused to meet his eyes. She started to walk towards the stairs. Derek could feel her slipping away.

"Meredith, no. You don't walk out of here right now, I've waited too long." Meredith whirled around and faced him.

"You've waited! You? The married one? The one who refused to let me go even though you had a wife. I'm not doing this right now. I don't know when or if I'm doing it, but it's not right now." She didn't meet his eyes, not trusting herself. She walked down the stairs and out the door before she could quit her resolve, remembering that she had ridden here with Finn.

"Shit." she muttered. Her cell phone was at home, in her knapsack. She had left it there since it didn't fit in the clutch she was carrying. She heard the front doors whoosh open, and even without looking she knew he was standing there staring at her.

"Meredith, let me drive you home." he pleaded with her with his eyes. She crossed her arms over herself. He was too close. She could feel where his kiss had branded her all over. If she spent one more minute with him, she knew she wouldn't be going to Izzy tonight. Shaking her head, she nodded slightly, hating herself, her weakness. Derek knew the conflict going on inside her, he had lived it since Addison came back. He knew he didn't have the right to any of this, but he wasn't a good enough man not to demand it anyways. he guided her to the parking lot, unlocking the door with a button click, and then opening the door for her. She got in and he shut the door. He paused, wondering how Addison was getting home, or if she had already. Shrugging, he walked around the car and got in. He started the car, took a cd from the visor, and slipped it into the player and music started filling the car. It was his Meredith Music, a compilation of songs he had put together that reminded him of her. He listened to it when he was driving alone. He glanced at her, she was crying softly. She squeezed her clutch, willing herself to stop crying. Part of her wept for being a failure as a friend, leaving Izzy. She knew Alex would be there but she should too. Part of her wept for becoming what she had sworn she wouldn't. Now Derek could call her a whore. And the last part of her wept because, even though she was a whore, an adulteress, she didn't regret it. She was pathetic enough to take whatever she could get from Derek. What did it mean? Probably that Derek was going to turn himself into someone he wouldn't end up liking. She knew he loved her. She hadn't, until the heated argument in the exam room, but looking back, maybe she had known, but didn't acknowledge it all this time. He never had really stopped with his looks, and smiles, and stolen moments with her. She couldn't imagine that either one of them would be able to go back after this point, their lovemaking had been to vital and intense. That didn't mean he was going to let go of his marriage and image though. And Meredith knew that she was weak enough to let the affair continue. Poor Finn. His plans. She shook her head. All she did was mess everything up. His hand was resting on the gearshift, near her knee. It felt like she was sitting next to a radiant heater. She wanted to shift further towards the door, and she was too damn weak to. Derek ached to touch her. He drove, not wanting to let her out of the car ever. Before he fully realized it, he saw the water. The ferry boats, he had driven there. He eased the car to a stop, and put it into park. Reached up and turned off the music.Unbuckled his seatbelt. Turned off the key. And turned to look at her. She looked up, noticing the car stop, and realized they weren't in front of her house. She hadn't really expected to be. Hating herself, she undid her seatbelt, turned and met his eyes. Both felt their hearts stop. Derek wanted to fold her into his arms and hold her.

"Mer. Please just listen." he begged. She looked at him, captive against her will.

"When I met you, I ... I stopped being the man I knew. I was different. I never felt so light and crazy and .. and just totally free. I didn't worry about the things I had worried about all my life. I could appreciate not being a surgeon 24/7. I wanted to laugh and enjoy things. You made me smile. For the first time in my life I was being ruled by emotions. Sometimes you would drive me crazy, but even when you were, I wanted you more than anything. I've never been ruled by emotions Meredith. Everything has always been just so and all about prestige and fine things and image. Being with you, I didn't care if we had to live in a tent and I never saw an expensive car or a, well a pair of shoes again. I had everything I wanted in you. And when she came back, Addison, it was like life was telling me that I couldn't live like that, that it was wrong, and I had to feel all the pressure and responsibility I always had. To grow up. I didn't want to, and I don't know what I was doing. Even though I went to her, I never left you in my heart or mind, and I expected you to stay with me too. I know it was a shitty situation and I had no right to expect it from you, but I did. I don't know what I was expecting, except that I hoped she would leave. I'll be honest, I love Addison. But it's a different love. She feels like family to me, maybe once there was a time when I felt romantic about her, but that's long gone. I've held myself back for so long from doing what I did tonight.. grabbing you and kissing you. And when I did, it felt so right, so real. Since seeing you and not being able to be with you at Christmas, or having to hide to spend time with you, and seeing you start a real relationship with someone else has turned me into someone I never knew before. I get so angry and so so jealous. I literally cannot think or concentrate when I see you with him. I've felt so hopeless. When Doc went, I wanted to hold you so much, and it was killing me that I couldn't. And I can't live like that Meredith. I choose not to. Knowing how much I have hurt you kills me. I want to be the one who makes it all go away and makes you smile, and that laugh, it's like bells. I miss you laughing. I miss touching you. I know, God believe me Mer, I know I have no right to ask this, but it will kill me not to. Please tell me that I'm not too late." he breathed finally, stopping. Looking at her. She had tears running down her cheeks.

"Meredith... Angel, please say something." he begged her. He reached up and brushed the tears off her cheeks. She closed her eyes and shuddered at his touch. She had heard him she thought. Derek.. saying that to her. Seriously. He was looking at her so expectantly. He was loving her, he loved her. He wanted her?

"What does that mean?" she finally asked.

"It means... It means that I cannot go on with this life without you Meredith Grey. I refuse to wake up one more morning not being next to you, or go to sleep one more night without you in my arms. I want to touch you, kiss you, and make love to you whenever I want no matter who is around, no more hiding. Well maybe not make love to you in front of people, but .. you see what I mean." He smiled.

"You want me? What about her?" Meredith asked. She bit her lip. Everything felt so cloudy. She wanted to be able to remember this conversation later.

Derek brushed her hair off her face, "I can't continue hurting Addison , You , and me. It's time to sign those papers. Meredith, I love you." He wove his fingers into her hair and pulled her to him, brushing her lips with his. She sighed and opened her mouth, accepting his kiss. She opened her eyes, and he was staring into hers, smiling with his eyes. She pulled back.

"Derek..."

"Please don't say anything right now until you've thought about it Mer. We deserve this. You would have every right to hurt me back and I would deserve it. I would. But what we have, it would be a sin to stop it anymore." he implored her with his eyes.

"Even if I wanted to, which part of me does... I don't have that strength. Damn you for what you do to me, but I can't help but belong to you Derek. But I will not be the dirty mistress. I want to go home, and I need to take care of Izzy. And you need to talk to her, and resolve it. Then you can call for me Derek. Then and only then. And let me tell you... if you don't and you stay with her, I have no doubt that you could still have me, because I have no control over that, but part of me would resent you Derek. Please don't make me be that person." She sat back, and fastened her seatbelt.

"I pro..."

"Actions, show me." she cut him off. He sighed and turned, buckled his seatbelt and turned on the car. She deserved that. He slowly drove the car out of the lot, and headed to her house, wishing that he didn't have to let her out of the car.

He pulled to her curb, and turned to her.

"This is the last night I will not sleep next to you Meredith." he leaned over her and opened her door. If he got out, he wouldn't trust himself to let her go when she stood up. She slipped out of the car, and walked to the porch. He waited, and she didn't let him down, she turned and looked at him. Her lost look. She was overwhelmed. His tired, sad, overwhelmed angel. He smiled at her and nodded to the door. She turned, uncertainly and then unlocked the door and slid inside. He breathed out, relieved. She could have hurt him. No longer would he have to contrive to get moments with her, or be afraid to look at her. He could look at her whenever he wanted. She was his to look at.

He pulled away from the curb and headed to the trailer to confront Addison.


	2. Chapter 2

Pulling into the lane, he noticed that the trailer was dark. He parked the car, and got out, running to the trailer door. It was locked, and he let himself in. He could tell right away that it was empty. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, and glanced to see if anyone had called. Noone. His hand brushed against the black panties he had picked up off the floor. He took a look at his watch, it was 12:37 in the morning. He didn't care, he hit Addison's number and waited. It rang once and then she picked up, not saying anything. "Addie.. where are you?" He heard her sigh and then "what do you care?". He ran his hand through his hair. He didn't know what to say.

"Do you think I didn't notice that you and her vanished at the same moment Derek? I'm not a stupid woman, although I sure have acted like one. I can't.." Derek cut her off, "Now Addison be fair damnit. I never lied to you! YOU CHOSE TO CHANGE WHAT I TOLD YOU! I was honest with you."

"Were you honest to me tonight Derek?"

" After the other day, you seemed to understand where things sat pretty well Addison. I give no excuse for what might have happened tonight, but we have to be fair here. This hasn't been working, not once."

"You never let it work , you never tried! I've sat here and watched you chase after her with your looks and watched you sink to the depths of hell not being with her. How do you think that made me feel? I love you Derek, I don't want to see you misreable. But you mean so much to me, how could I let it all be over?" She started crying.

"Addie... I love you too, you're my family. I hung on too, I didn't want to lose you."

"You may love me, but not like a wife. Maybe if I am honest, that part has been gone for awhile, but then what.. what Derek, what then?"

"Addie where are you? We should talk." he pleaded with her.

"I was going to stay with Adele and Richard, but I knew what this brought back to Adele and I didn't want her to live it again. I had Richard drop me off at a hotel."

"You knew about Richa..."

"Of course I knew about Richard and Ellis Grey. It was just so ironic to me when I found out I was losing my husband to her daughter. After my friend almost lost hers to the mother. Adele talked to me about it when you left. But then after the code black, she told me that I needed to let go. I couldn't bring myself to."

"Let me come talk to you Addie." She sighed before relenting and telling him the hotel and room number. Derek took a shower, not wanting to wash Meredith's scent off him, but not wanting to hurt Addison anymore than he already had. He changed into some jeans and a tshirt and headed out. The trailer was so dark and empty without Doc.

They sat on the loveseat in the hotel room. Holding hands. "What does this mean Derek?" Addison was crying. "I don't see why we have to stop being family Addie. Maybe it's abnormal for most people, but we are just people who have grown and changed, that doesn't mean we have to give up being family to each other." he smiled at her. He actually liked her right now, finally. He had always been friends with Addison. Part of his anger at her had been losing that friendship.

"Well since we are being so honest... I called Mark." Derek raised his eyebrows. " A few times " she admitted. " Do you.." he asked. " I think so." she said. "Well if he hurts you I'll kill him." he said. They both laughed. " Will this work Derek?" Addison asked. " I think it will Addie, we want it to." "How could we be so stupid and stubborn? All this time wasted. I should have forced this when I realized Derek, I'm sorry." Derek smiled at her, leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. " Don't be sorry Addie, let's just move forward." She smiled back, and stood up. They released hands, and she walked him to the door. "Would you bring my stuff by tomorrow? I don't really want to go back out there.. Doc being gone and all. Hey Derek, " he looked up "yes?" " Did you buy all that land for her?" "I bought it when I got here, but I've never not pictured the house we'll build since I met her." She patted his cheek, and closed the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith toyed with her coffee mug and looked up at Finn. He was smiling at her. She felt like a whore again. A dirty whore. "Meredith, stop beating yourself up about this. I knew there was something between you and Shepherd , I even tried to ask you about it. We can't help who we love. Who knows maybe if things had been different..."

" Finn you don't have to be so nice. I had no right to get involved with you and do this to you. I sho.." Finn reached across the table and took her hand, " Meredith I'm not kidding, I forgive you. I don't want you to feel bad. You showed me that one day I will find love again. I thought I was dead after Liz.. I never thought I could feel for someone again. I don't regret meeting you. " Meredith put her hand on top, " Do you have to be so damned perfect?" He chuckled and she caught herself laughing too. Thank God Finn wasn't upset. He sat back, and brushed imaginary lint off his sweater and grinned. " Of course I am a little peeved I didn't get lucky..." His eyes laughed at her. " Oh.. you!" they broke into peals of laughter. Her cell phone rang out, the tone for Derek calling. She jumped, and looked at her purse. "Answer it Mer, I've got to run anyways, office opens soon. I'm glad we did this, we shouldn't be strangers just because, well.. you know." He came around the table and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. She waved, numb. Her phone kept ringing. She held her breath as she answered, "Hello?" "Mer! Thank God! Where are you?" "Starbucks," she answered automatically. " Sit tight, I'm about 5 minutes from there." he rang off before she could reply.

She took a sip of her coffee, and considered running. What if.. what if he broke her heart again. After spending so much time unhappy , she was afraid for how simple things could work out. Could they really happen that easy? She concentrated on deep breathing. She could sense him before he spoke. His hand came on her shoulder, and he leaned in and kissed her, but she turned to her cheek before he could. He looked hurt, and sat down across from her. "Meredith, Addison and I signed the divorce papers last night. I filed them with my attorney thirty minutes ago. I'm going to be divorced in 90 days." She could barely hear him over the roar of her heart. He looked at her, waiting. "Mer?" he questioned. "So, then I get to be the whore that ruined your marriage? Is that my part now? How could I go to work, being that girl, with her there?" Derek widened his eyes in shock. "Woah... How could you think that? Addison and I are like family. We were able to realize that our marriage had ended a long time ago, and resolve it on amicable terms. We have a friendship. She doesn't blame you, this came down the pike before you. She's.. she's talking to Mark." Meredith looked at him. She wanted to believe him. Life had taught her that nothing ever went well for her. "Please come with me Mer, where we can talk." She picked up her purse, stood up and slung it over her shoulder. She might as well be a robot. Derek guided her out to his car, wishing his smiling fiesty Meredith would come out. He settled her into the car, and got in. "You have today off don't you?" She nodded in affirmation. " I took it off too." he said. He headed to his trailer. Last night he had packed all of Addison's things and removed every single trace of her from it. He didn't want Meredith to think of her staying here. He had packed all of Doc's things up and boxed them away. And he had put up a cross at the site he had buried Doc yesterday. Pulling up the drive, he jumped out and helped her out of the car. " I wanted you to see where I settled Doc." he explained, and led her to the tree. She knelt down and touched the mound of earth. She thought about just sitting down there, and pretending she didn't exist. She never felt awkward with Derek, she felt so natural, and now at this point in time.. she didn't have the slightest idea of what to say or do.

Derek looked down at her, his heart aching at her obvious anguish. He leaned down and helped her stand up, and turned her around to face him. Her hair fell across her eyes, and he brushed it back. Her skin burned from the contact. She looked up at him, lost and confused. "Mer baby it's okay. From this point on, you are safe. You don't have to hurt anymore. I'm here for you, for always. This starts the rest of our life.. together." He smiled gently at her, and gathered her to him. She looked so hopeful, but afraid. " I promise Meredith." She closed her eyes, in a sigh. He kissed her, and she kissed back. Pausing for a breath, he looked at her. "Meredith, when I bought this land, I had no idea what I was going to do with it...until I met you. Since then, I have always pictured the house we would build..together. " Meredith looked around her, at the landscape. The land she loved and felt at home on. "Say something." "Something.." she teased. Derek felt relief to see her joke with him. He smiled, and she laughed, that wonderful laugh that made him think of bells. He scooped her up in his arms, and headed to the trailer. Inside, they were laughing and smiling as they stripped. She let him chase her to the freshly changed bed, before he tackled her and tickled her briefly before planting another kiss on her. "This feels so right." he murmured into her hair. She rolled over and sat on top of him, holding his hands over his head, pretending she could hold him hostage if she wanted. He let her. "Remember Shepherd.. You say my name and I yell? Do you think you can handle me? Handful that I am?" Her eyes sparkled, and it made his heart soar to see her happy. With a quick movement of his arm, he grabbed her tiny wrists in his hand, and pinned her beneath him, rolling on top. "Even though I'm bigger than you, I know you'll keep me in line. And I'd rather be nowhere else than trying to handle you." Her eyes flashed with lust, and he lost himself in her, his hands twining in her hair, and pressing himself against her little frame. He shifted, ready to enter her, and realized that he didn't have protection. She looked up at him, understanding his hesitation. " You didn't worry about that yesterday.." He sheathed himself inside of her, not caring.. as long as he was with Meredith he could take anything that came. Their lovemaking was just as intense as last night, Derek had to slow himself down, he wanted to savor her body. Last night has been hurried. This was his time to explore every inch of her. He knew no matter how much, he'd never have his fill.


End file.
